magic in bottles makes my nights swirly lyrical melodical... mechanical being so far away

why is this

why am i why am i here
I want to leave now I want to be gone

I have things to Say

Everyone's a liar.
You can say whatever you like
but I know this.

Too late for sleeping never late enough to go to bed.
They'll come for you not long after your face falls to the sheet's cold expanse
You'll wreck the atmosphere with your sweat
and drown in it.

Baking in the sunlight and the heat rising back up.

Jump down there to the water it's not deep enough it will break your legs
but it will be so refreshing so delicious for that second in between
and even after if you can forget about the pain.

I fell from a plane once
well that's a lie right there.
But I built one from my bones for you
and I'm hanging from it dangling so close to
la fin.

break it don't take it
I can't even wind my thoughts into a golden strand for you
I'm sorry... that word I say too often and never the right way and never at the right time
that's what you all have said and I'm sick of it and I don't care
I can't make everyone happy
I can't even make myself happy
unless [I'm editing myself it's true]


that was not pretty and it was not nice and it was sad and lonely and pathetic.


what is this?


I'm five different people and I'm losing most of our minds.

I have things to say

but a mouthful of gunpowder and your hand with a lit match waiting is not opportune
please take away the blackouts and the absence of grass stains
gula avaritia and invidia I'm done with them
I have not an inkling of where I'm going or what I want
which leads to prevarication
and more of it

my little skeleton plane is breaking

new post

I'll send it in the mail with my saliva sealing the crumpled brown paper envelope and a faded stamp stuck to the front
my scratchy script streaking your hallowed name across the surface ink splatters from my shaky unsure hand
inside a decidedly cliche and simple statement
Dearest X (your name would go there),
I have been waiting for someone like you
Love, me.
I awake a thousand times in the night to find it's a nightmarish reality of a dream
I've blurred the lines between here and there between now and then between me and you
this and that
it's so trivial, all of it
You don't read me and I don't hear you; I see you and you smother me
I drown and you float on your back to the shore
dear one it's clearly a mistaken case of identity a whiplash romance and a cracked knuckle
I've broken my back and made you a gift from the pieces
wrap my arms around your neck twist my fingers in your hair
lick my back and make me shiver again
you say things in a tone with so little affect
like everything is a curiosity and you are poking and prodding simply to see what it is made of

when

you suddenly realize where you are is not where you thought
did you know that already... why didn't you tell me?
I could write circles of contrails around your world I could fly them
could you fly me
I want the rooftop and the edge to lean over
I need darkness and specks of light, I need smoke and gin
let's walk. let's sit. let's dance our way down to the bank of a river or a bank we could rob
shoestring and pennies and pieces of stone can't make up for this
but I could try to make you a miracle
it's not real
let's swim and fly and balance on my broken skeleton
look out ahead there, hold on tight, hold my face, my waist
look at the sunset that's where we're heading, cowboy

I can't write back to you

I can't listen to you I can't talk to you I can't use the return button on this computer. I miss your face... I told you I liked it and I am not lying. I want to see it again. I want to be there in that room. I'm bad at figuring and sorting my life out and I apologize for that. I apologize for the mess. I don't know if you'll ever read this but if you do... thank you. for taking the time. I hope you see it and know how much you mean to me and how much I think about you and want to have my life work out with you in it. it's all here. it's all there. my phone is dying and I'm going to bed. goodnight

von Einfachheit

is this true for everyone

roman art and architecture, a space heater, some tiles, a chair, a lamp, flowers, a blanket, shoes, keys, curtains
disappointment wanderlust ache

feeling that you've lost your hold on reality, whatever that was
lips teeth tongue eyes hands I need to be there
time warps wraps and loses itself around me I have seen and been told this
is it all falling am I falling
can I eat your fingertips
can I lick your spine clean
can I chew the morsels of meat from your forearms

I'll keep you, broken-fingered skeleton boy
we'll dance

how do you say

those things to me
that no one else would know to say
that I wouldn't even know I wanted someone to say
until it's escaped it's way out of your lips I want
am I a textbook case of a failed success
can I pay rent in pennies corks and pocket lint
a night of wet cold rain and sweat
a morning of dry sunlight and dust
of liquid on the floor
an open door to the sweet awakening outside
I make things up but are dreams real I think they are so I've had some times with you
I hope that's all right
all right
table of contents
water
air
a burning urge to burn life up
need for your face
frustration at the utter unknowledge of life and the rest of the universe
ability to make up words to explain myself
ability to shake at the core and fall down when you say things like that... simplicity
love of rolling down hills
peace and quiet and the opposite things
a vast... avast! cease. desist. but really... a vast collection of thoughts memories and curiosities
curios is a word I like
I'm just rambling now but
it's all right

sleep

it crept up and smothered me
where were my dreams and fears
I surfaced a few times but could not shake free from its terrifying grip
if you were here beside me...

I would not feel this aching uneasiness
the falling inward
the



I have an airplane

I can't even.

I remember staring at your face

it seemed to make so much sense it was overwhelming but not
it was just what it was
one night one hour we had a week of dates and excursions
I have the ability to warp time and I use it well I think
threats of apocalypse always make it more exciting
dreams are more than flighty fireflies in your sleeping head
there's fireflies do you see them
don't just sleep

cover up your insides

don't let them touch touch take secret steps around the outside walls and don't disappear or disappoint or discontinue disconnect and reencounter
swishing symphonies of blades of grass play in my ear
I want to roll down this hill
are lights blurry is time a misconception it all seems fine to me
I have gotten used to being confused and spun around and smiling because of it all
let's have another sip and stay for the rest of whatever time is
I wouldn't mind

I'm a mess and jumping over tendons and binding structures on my plane dancing across the ribs and vertebrae is the best time I could ever have
I won't fall it's made of me

facebook in the morning

if things could change, i could tear out your eyeballs and keep them on a string around my neck. i could slice off your gorgeous lips and carry them in my pocket for safekeeping. tell me love, do you want to fly on my skeleton plane? drinks from the birds eye will change your perspective for the better, you'll see that nothing really matters except me and you

I can't really write about it

it's too early or too late I'm not sure which one or if they're the same... every word I think of that explains it is too giving away and will show my insides backwards and twisted mess that they aare. it's an uncontrollable rush of moments in my head though and even if I can't tell it in a lyrical line of prose it is making my disposition flutter and yearn for shhhhhhhhhh

ghostboy

touch my fingertips
you're eyes eat me
you look right in me
I can't stand it
I need it
you make me shake



it's fake is it is it fake
let me know

remove

I will remove whatever I like
your eyes your teeth your tongue
and keep them in boxes with ribbons for closures
and tiny labels with your name and the date I stole your life

tsk tsk fork tines not shiny enough for my kind
slither down the backside down the spine
tasting sweat and salt and wine
I prefer my gin and lime

is that you

are you creeping outside my window as a moth
creep into my veins my lungs fill my head up with vaporous love
choking blinding ecstasy and then nothing
we'll die one day.
take my hand and I'll break your fingers for you it feels so nice

feigning sleep

distance and distants I never could diffuse the possibilities and the flooding dams that were my eyes
I'll take a bite out of you but give it back again take it back again again
we'll dance we'll spin under eaves of green leaves and twisting branches
don't take me too seriously don't take me for granted don't take me
listening to breathing and a fan breathe in breathe in the out disappears with the humming of the blades
I'll pull you in I'll
stop
stop and breathe so softly you dare to
see my eyes see them roll to the ceiling and shut tight lip bite
magic in bottles makes my nights swirly lyrical melodical... mechanical being so far away
relief replaces regret
wind in hair replaces the threat of never being all right
even for a day or summer is better than bad nights I'll take it
I'll see where it takes me
I'll see if you take me

banshee chase

lush dark backdrop of evergreens she turns to look behind her briefly terror in her eye, frantically searching the shadows for anything that moves