it's all the same but different

back to the sidewalk. the phone booths and trash cans, newspaper boxes all eye you warily, they pull themselves in tightly to avoid your desperate touch. eyes crazed, dart back and forth, around, find something solid, something that will support you, something not spinning and spiraling out of control with bright flashing lights. no not them, we've made that mistake before. follow this crack in the cement, the one with the grime and faint wisps of green trying to make the city a forest again keep walking one foot in front of the other you notice the holes in your dirty shoes your right toe peeks out every time you lift your foot to take a step step step toe toe toe suddenly the sounds are overwhelming the smacking of shoes on the pavement the horns of cars the chattering cavalcade of voices STOP you slap your hand to your head shaking and take deep breaths but your vision goes to sickening swirling darkness

time when is it what time is it.. jerk upwards are we sitting up now I look around but there's nothing I recognize nothing of you nothing of me help help I taste bile in my mouth and remember the sidewalk and reaching out for help and then the hands all around me... but wait that was before, that already happened, this had to be a different time but no the memory feels the same am I dreaming am I reliving the past something is not quite right there were no hands this time and I purposely avoided the people I remember now... how am I here where am I
I can get up. I swing my legs to the side of the small bed I'm on and push up onto my feet. Not sturdy but I should be able to at least make it out of this room. Let's walk now right to that door and try to escape our possible prison.