magic in bottles makes my nights swirly lyrical melodical... mechanical being so far away

why is this

why am i why am i here
I want to leave now I want to be gone

I have things to Say

Everyone's a liar.
You can say whatever you like
but I know this.

Too late for sleeping never late enough to go to bed.
They'll come for you not long after your face falls to the sheet's cold expanse
You'll wreck the atmosphere with your sweat
and drown in it.

Baking in the sunlight and the heat rising back up.

Jump down there to the water it's not deep enough it will break your legs
but it will be so refreshing so delicious for that second in between
and even after if you can forget about the pain.

I fell from a plane once
well that's a lie right there.
But I built one from my bones for you
and I'm hanging from it dangling so close to
la fin.

break it don't take it
I can't even wind my thoughts into a golden strand for you
I'm sorry... that word I say too often and never the right way and never at the right time
that's what you all have said and I'm sick of it and I don't care
I can't make everyone happy
I can't even make myself happy
unless [I'm editing myself it's true]


that was not pretty and it was not nice and it was sad and lonely and pathetic.


what is this?


I'm five different people and I'm losing most of our minds.

I have things to say

but a mouthful of gunpowder and your hand with a lit match waiting is not opportune
please take away the blackouts and the absence of grass stains
gula avaritia and invidia I'm done with them
I have not an inkling of where I'm going or what I want
which leads to prevarication
and more of it

my little skeleton plane is breaking

new post

I'll send it in the mail with my saliva sealing the crumpled brown paper envelope and a faded stamp stuck to the front
my scratchy script streaking your hallowed name across the surface ink splatters from my shaky unsure hand
inside a decidedly cliche and simple statement
Dearest X (your name would go there),
I have been waiting for someone like you
Love, me.
I awake a thousand times in the night to find it's a nightmarish reality of a dream
I've blurred the lines between here and there between now and then between me and you
this and that
it's so trivial, all of it
You don't read me and I don't hear you; I see you and you smother me
I drown and you float on your back to the shore
dear one it's clearly a mistaken case of identity a whiplash romance and a cracked knuckle
I've broken my back and made you a gift from the pieces
wrap my arms around your neck twist my fingers in your hair
lick my back and make me shiver again
you say things in a tone with so little affect
like everything is a curiosity and you are poking and prodding simply to see what it is made of

when

you suddenly realize where you are is not where you thought
did you know that already... why didn't you tell me?
I could write circles of contrails around your world I could fly them
could you fly me
I want the rooftop and the edge to lean over
I need darkness and specks of light, I need smoke and gin
let's walk. let's sit. let's dance our way down to the bank of a river or a bank we could rob
shoestring and pennies and pieces of stone can't make up for this
but I could try to make you a miracle
it's not real
let's swim and fly and balance on my broken skeleton
look out ahead there, hold on tight, hold my face, my waist
look at the sunset that's where we're heading, cowboy